


four wlw log into a group chat

by DapperMuffin, DearTheodosia (DapperMuffin)



Series: the experience of loving [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Bisexual Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Cute lesbians, Disaster Gays, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Horny Lesbians, Lesbian Angelica Schuyler, Multi, Siblings, Texting, a whole lot of nothing tbh what is a plot, just a bunch of wlw in a group chat ngl, other people sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26687107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DapperMuffin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DearTheodosia
Summary: What happens when you put three queer sisters and their queer best friend in a group chat together? Chaos. Queer chaos.
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Angelica Schuyler & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler & Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler, Angelica Schuyler & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler & Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler & Theodosia Prevost Burr, John Barker Church/Angelica Schuyler, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: the experience of loving [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914802
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!!! if you came from Tenderness of the Heart, welcome, i'm trying a new format! if you haven't read that, also welcome; you really should read that eventually since i'm enjoying writing it but no pressure (most of this fic should make sense without reading that first, but there's a few things that might not)
> 
> there's a short mention of blood and violence near the end of the chapter, and to avoid that, you can skip the john and thomas section if you'd like

_group chat "Work!",_ **_4 online_ ** _(_ _and Maggie, Angelica, eliza, theo)_

**Angelica:** hey who was that??

**eliza:** wdym

**Angelica:** oml no don't play dumb I saw her u cant pretend

**eliza:** pretend what

**Angelica:** >:(

**Angelica:** @maggie hey back me up

**and Maggie:** what

**and Maggie:** wait wHat

**and Maggie:** I didn't??? see???

**Angelica:** useless

**and Maggie:** hEy

**and Maggie:** absolutely rude

**eliza:** ok stop fighting

**Angelica:** only if u admit u were talking to a girl

**and Maggie:** OMG WAIT SHE WAS?!!

**eliza:** hold on this is a lowercase conversation

**Angelica:** i diSaGREE

**and Maggie:** Angelica is right

**eliza:** excuse???

**Angelica:** no u getting a girlfriend is ABSOLUTELY an uppercase conversation

**eliza:** I

**eliza:** ajsgjdhed

**eliza:** she's not my girlfriend!!!

**Angelica:** aHa

**and Maggie:** so u admit u were talking to a girl!!

**eliza:** ,,,,i was

**and Maggie:** what's her name

**eliza:** not telling u cause you'll poke around in her private life and scare her off this happened last time

**and Maggie:** with martha? 👀

**eliza:** yes who else

**Angelica:** got it

**and Maggie:** ?

**Angelica:** maria lewis

**Angelica:** 16 years old

**eliza:** angelica nO

**Angelica:** Angelica yes

**and Maggie:** rt ^^^

**eliza:** rude

**eliza:** it's like I don't have any privacy anymore

**Angelica:** well no I'm ur big sis it's my job to pry into ur life to make sure you're not making any bad decisions

**Angelica:** or to encourage bad decisions

**Angelica:** depends

**and Maggie:** and I'm ur lil sis and I'm living vicariously thru u

**eliza:** I think u 2 need to get a life of ur own

**and Maggie:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**and Maggie:** but wait do u likeeeeeee her

**eliza:** no

**Angelica:** liAR you're blushing rn

**and Maggie:** aaa

**eliza:** no I'm not!!!

**Angelica:** u can't deny basic biology

**eliza:** look I'm just

**eliza:** warm

**Angelica:** that was not convincing

**and Maggie:** there was a pause

**eliza:** ok fine

**eliza:** maybe I do

**eliza:** bUt I have no idea if she likes me

**eliza:** or even if she likes girls

**Angelica:** 👀👀👀

**eliza:** please no

**Angelica:** I'll find out ;)))

**eliza:** this is not going to go well is it

**and Maggie:** undoubtedly not

* * *

_private chat,_ **_2 online_ ** _(eliza, ria)_

**eliza:** hhh I'm so sorry maria

**ria:** ????

**eliza:** dw abt it

**eliza:** you'll find out soon enough

**ria:** oh I'm worrying

**ria:** that was the most cryptically threatening thing

**ria:** you've ever said

**ria:** liza??

**ria:** ???

* * *

**Angelica started a private chat with ria.**

**Angelica:** hey

**ria:** who

**ria:** is this

**Angelica:** hi

**Angelica:** I'm Angelica Schuyler

**ria:** schuyler?

**ria:** ,,,,,

**ria:** oH are u Liza's sister??

**Angelica:** ,,,first of all she talks about me?? I'm flattered

**Angelica:** second of all "Liza"?

**ria:** she,, said I could call her that

**Angelica:** last I checked only her sisters called her that

**ria:** does that mean

**ria:** she considers me

**ria:** family?

**Angelica:** yeah I mean maybe

**ria:** !!! ヾ(*’Ｏ’*)/

**Angelica:** that's,,,, very cute

**ria:** yes it is I like it a lot

**Angelica:** ,,,,,,

**Angelica:** okay segway what do u think of liza

**ria:** she's very nice to me even though she doesn't have to be and she cares about other people a lot and I think that's great of her and she’s pretty and smart and I

**ria:** uh

**ria:** nvm that's it

**Angelica:** ,,,,

**ria:** what????

**ria:** I feel like,, u want smth from me

**ria:** *suspicious stare*

**Angelica:** 👀👀

**ria:** ,,,,

**Angelica:** ,,,,,,,

**ria:** ,,,,,,,,,

**Angelica:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

**ria:** oKay spill sis!!

**Angelica:** look I've seen the way my sis looks at u

**Angelica:** she only looks at certain people that way

**Angelica:** _I_ know what that look means

**Angelica:** ,,,,, do u?

**ria:** ,,oH WAIT OMG

**ria:** AM I FUCKING BLIND I AHGSJDHG

**ria:** FUCK

**ria:** IVE GOT TO GO

**Angelica:** well

**ria:** thanks btw

**Angelica:** yw ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

* * *

_private chat,_ ** _2 online_** _(eliza, ria)_

**ria:** whEre are u rn

**eliza:** ??? in class???

**ria:** english right

**eliza:** yes???

**ria:** see you soon ;)

**eliza:** ???? ???

* * *

_group chat "Work!",_ **_4 online_ ** _(and Maggie, Angelica, eliza, theo)_

**eliza:** I

**eliza:** OMG AGSGSHDHHD

**theo:** what?? what happened??

**eliza:** ok so I was in english class

**eliza:** and this girl I've been talking to

**theo:** oh?? 👀

**eliza:** normally I'd say shut up but ahgshdhd I'm fLustered

**eliza:** anyway this girl

**eliza:** she texts me when I'm in english class

**eliza:** she asks where I am and I tell her and she frickin says "see you soon ;)" and i,,,,

**and Maggie:** omG then what happened

**eliza:** so she bursts in, in the middle of class

**eliza:** she's panting and her eyes scan the room

**eliza:** and when they land on me she kind of lights up??? like she smiles real big and her eyes smile too and I??

**eliza:** and she says "mr. adams sent me. I need to borrow Eliza"

**eliza:** a blatant lie ok

**eliza:** and my teacher doesn't really know what to make of this

**eliza:** and he just. lets me go

**eliza:** and I pack my things and approach the door

**eliza:** and she gRabs my hand and starts pulling me along

**eliza:** and she brings me out behind the gym

**eliza:** and then she lo oks at me and I realize I'm not??? pre pared?? for any of this??? because her eyes, they're so big and so brown and so beautiful, and the way they look at me throws me completely off guard? she looks at me like I mean a lot to her?? like,, she’d do anything for me?

**eliza:** and she's still holding my hand and we're standing close and she breathes "liza" in my ear all deep and sensual and i,,, exhale forcefully

**eliza:** and her eyes widen slightly but instead of like,, straight (ha) up just making out with me

**eliza:** whICH HONESTLY I WOUDLNT HAVE MINDED MIND YOu

**eliza:** she cups my cheek with her other hand and pulls me close

**eliza:** and then she

**eliza:** kisses

**eliza:** me

**Angelica:** YES I HELPED I CAUSED THIS

**eliza:** wait what

**eliza:** what

**eliza:** did you do

**Angelica:** I just told her,,, u look at her a certain way,,, and u only look at certain people like that,, and asked her rhetorically if she understood what the look meant

**Angelica:** but she came to her own conclusion in the end

**eliza:** ok I'm still a little mad bc u mEDDLed

**eliza:** but thanks a little I guess

**and Maggie:** WHOOOOOOO

**theo:** well congrats?!!!

**eliza:** I have a gf!!!

**and Maggie:** _WHOOOOOOO_

**eliza:** ,,haha

**eliza:** what do I do now

**Angelica:** where are u now

**Angelica:** hurry up I'm gonna leave u here at school overnight if u don't run to this car right this second

**Angelica:** u have 2 minutes starting now

**eliza:** cOMJNG

**theo:** lmao

**Angelica:** you're not exempt from the drama u still haven't told us abt ur date

**theo:** lies

**theo:** I said that it went fine and he likes me

**Angelica:** tHats not details!!

**Angelica:** where is the FLAVOR in this tea

**Angelica:** _sis_

**theo:** hh

**and Maggie:** u ar egonna have to tell us sometime u know

**Angelica:** u can't escape from this

**and Maggie:** waiT OMG IA GSFGSH

**eliza:** that's enough of that thank u

**theo:** did u steal her phone

**eliza:** maybe,,,

**Angelica:** give it back

**eliza:** no

**Angelica:** eliza

**eliza:** wHY

**Angelica:** cause otherwise you'll be wrestling for it the entire drive and I'll be distracted and crash the car

**eliza:** fine

**and Maggie:** yAY

**and Maggie:** aNYWAY ELIZAS LIPS LOOK SWOLLEN

**eliza:** dammit

**theo:** that's the closest to swearing you’ve ever been

**eliza:** that’s what i didnt want maggie to say

**and Maggie:** she looks like,, radiantly happy more than usual and,, her hairs kinda messy and her lipstick is smudged

**theo:** I thought u said u didn't make out???

**eliza:** I never

**eliza:** said that

**eliza:** exactly

**eliza:** I just said she kissed me gently

**eliza:** ,,,,,,, _first_

**and Maggie:** omg monumental

**and Maggie:** big achievement

**eliza:** u say that like I've never kissed someone before

**eliza:** or made out with someone

**and Maggie:** w

**and Maggie:** wait

**and Maggie:** you've made out with someone???

**and Maggie:** I don't remember hearing about this!!! >:( — Angelica verbatim, yelling from the driver’s seat

**eliza:** that's because I never told you

**and Maggie:** who was it?? — Angelica

**eliza:** ,,,, remember that girl working at the flower shop

**and Maggie:** the one with the flower tattoos?? I thought she was an adult??

**eliza:** no it was a part time job her grandfather owned the shop

**and Maggie:** when did u make out with her??

**eliza:** here’s the full story for theo's benefit

**eliza:** so I was buying flowers right

**eliza:** it's not important what they were for

**eliza:** but she started flirting with me

**eliza:** and I honestly didn't notice the first time

**eliza:** but the second time I was like "oH" cause she said I was prettier than any flower and I

**eliza:** I bought the flowers

**eliza:** but when I got home there was a little card that said "to eliza" on it

**eliza:** and I opened it and her number was scribbled on the back

**eliza:** and,,, we went on a couple of coffee dates

**theo:** this has me Floored ngl

**eliza:** and on the third date she invited me home with her,,,

**and Maggie:** and you wENT with her??? — Angelica

**and Maggie:** stranger danger?? have I taught you nothing?? — Angelica

**eliza:** well she wasnt a stranger by then we'd spent a couple of hours together and she felt like an old friend

**eliza:** so yeah not a stranger

**eliza:** so I went to her house

**eliza:** actually her grandfather's house she just lived there sometimes

**theo:** sometimes??

**eliza:** he also gave her the apartment above the flower shop

**eliza:** but I went to the house and we made out on the antique coffee table in the living room and she smelled like lavender and she felt like coming inside when it's cold out and getting under a warm blanket and I

**and Maggie:** aWWWWW

**and Maggie:** but wait what happened to her??

**eliza:** her grandpa died and she didn't inherit the house and couldn't buy the flower shop from the new owner so she had to move

**eliza:** she couldn't deal with trying to date me on top of the stress and grief of losing her grandfather and both of her homes

**eliza:** so we broke up

**theo:** that's a depressing ending

**eliza:** well life isn't a fairy tale

**eliza:** and besides I have maria now

**theo:** that ur gf??

**eliza:** yeah ( ◜‿◝ )♡

**eliza:** so things always work out somehow I guess

**eliza:** evangeline just wasn't the right one for me

**and Maggie:** they'd have been,,, e+e

**and Maggie:** btw I just googled it for some reason but evangeline means,, good news,, and if that doesn't make it sadder,,,

**theo:** damn

**theo:** do u need me to hug u the next time I see u

**eliza:** guys I'm fine I promise!!! this was like last year

**eliza:** I'm okay

**eliza:** I haven't cried over it in months

**and Maggie:** u cried over it by urself???

**eliza:** I know I usually tell u guys everything but that's mostly cause u pry into my life

**eliza:** I had the chance to have something special all to myself and I took it

**and Maggie:** ,,, still

**and Maggie:** I kinda feel bad now??

**and Maggie:** j didn't notice u crying??

**eliza:** no u did

**eliza:** u both did

**and Maggie:** when??

**eliza:** a couple of times

**eliza:** I pretended I was sad over smth else

**and Maggie:** oh :(

**eliza:** look if anything happens with maria, good or bad

**eliza:** you'll be the first ones to know

**eliza:** is that better?

**and Maggie:** ,,,yes

**eliza:** btw she's crying now

**eliza:** and she's hugging me now be caREful

**theo:** aw family bonding time

**eliza:** family bonding time,, :)

* * *

_private chat,_ **_1 online_ **_(Alex), 1 offline (eliza)_

**Alex:** hold up

**eliza is online.**

**eliza:** ???

**Alex:** did I just see u kiss a girl

**Alex:** who is she

**eliza:** oh yeah

**eliza:** u don't know

**eliza:** ,,,>:)

**Alex:** >:O

**eliza:** hehe

**Alex:** no unacceptable tell me now

**eliza:** well,,

**eliza:** it's possible that yesterday

**eliza:** I got

**eliza:** a girlfriend

**Alex:** that's great!!!

**Alex:** im so fucking happy for u u don't understand

**eliza:** considering u just jumped to ur feet

**eliza:** ran a lap around ur table

**eliza:** and did a few jumping jacks before sitting down

**eliza:** I think I do have an inkling

**Alex:** ssHhhh stop gloating and let me be happy for u betsey

**eliza:** excuse how am I gloating

**Alex:** you're just

**Alex:** u know

**Alex:** having an s/o and being casually happy with her

**Alex:** gross

**eliza:** smh

**Alex:** hey

**eliza:** _smh_

**Alex:** I can't get anywhere w u can I

* * *

_private chat,_ **_2 online_ **_(mac-n-bees, Turtle Boy)_

**Turtle Boy:** hey I haven't seen lee around lately

**Turtle Boy:** I know you said you took care of him but like

**Turtle Boy:** you didn't like kill him right

**mac-n-bees:** don't u think they'd have arrested me and not suspended me if I'd killed a man

**Turtle Boy:** tru

**Turtle Boy:** altho that doesn't answer my question

**mac-n-bees:** no I didn't _kill_ him I just 

**mac-n-bees:** punched him in the face a few times until he started screaming and some teachers came in

**Turtle Boy:** I

**mac-n-bees:** look he's an asshole and not only is he homophobic but turns out he's also transphobic and flat out racist

**mac-n-bees:** what else could I do

**Turtle Boy:** not?? punch him until he bled?? I??

**mac-n-bees:** oh no I didn't stop when he started bleeding

**mac-n-bees:** it was kind of gross really

**mac-n-bees:** his blood was all over my hands and my shirt

**mac-n-bees:** luckily it washed out of my coat

**Turtle Boy:** your

**mac-n-bees:** ??

**Turtle Boy:** $500 fuschia coat?

**Turtle Boy:** that one?

**mac-n-bees:** yeah??

**mac-n-bees:** oh and for ur information it’s actually magenta

**Turtle Boy:** irrelevant im ignoring

**mac-n-bees:** i

**Turtle Boy:** anyway why do u even wear that to school doesn't it get dirty??

**mac-n-bees:** oh I'm very careful

**Turtle Boy:** ,,,,I bet

**mac-n-bees:** what are u implying

**Turtle Boy:** ,,,nothing rlly

**mac-n-bees:** ok then................

**mac-n-bees:** ......................

**mac-n-bees:** ...................

**Turtle Boy:** sTop

**mac-n-bees:** ok

* * *

_private chat,_ **_2 online_ **_(eliza, ria)_

**eliza:** omg i cant believe i skipped class for u today

**eliza:** ive!!! never done that!!!

**eliza:** and it was ! more than one class too

**ria:** sorry,,,

**eliza:** no ur fine i promise!!

**eliza:** it’s ok bc i love u

**eliza:** wAIT NO I DIDNT MEAN TO SAY THAT

**eliza:** hhhhhh,,,,,

**eliza:** brb gonna go cry

**ria:** wait liza??

**eliza:** y

**eliza:** ,,,,yes?

**ria:** did you mean it?

**eliza:** i mean yeah??

**eliza:** it just,,, wasnt the right time,,,,

**ria:** in that case

**ria:** i love you too

**eliza:** i

**eliza:** i dont deserve u

**ria:** thats not true if anything it’s the other way around u absolute angel

**eliza:** jsdkfhjgjdh ok gonna go cry for other reasons

**ria:** before u go i love u!!!!

**eliza:** ,,,i love u too

**eliza is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have absolutely no self control but the only thing i've been reading for the past couple of weeks is lol-phan-af's 1-800-did-i-ask series, and well i forgot how much i love chat fics haha (being someone who loves writing dialogue but sometimes struggles with dialogue tags and narration)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angelica: listen up im having a crisis
> 
> \-----
> 
> mac-n-bees: im out of mac n cheese
> 
> jamm: no you’re not
> 
> mac-n-bees: where

_group chat "Work!", **4 online** (and Maggie, Angelica, eliza, theo) _

**Angelica:** listen up im having a crisis

**and Maggie:** wait what

**and Maggie:** wdym angie

**and Maggie:** angie ?

**eliza:** ???

**theo:** in the meantime

**theo:** until we can help angie with her crisis

**theo:** eliza

**eliza:** ??

**theo:** wanna invite ur gf to the chat

**theo:** she seems like one of us

**eliza:** oh god no, where else can i say disgustingly sappy things about her

**theo:** fair

**and Maggie:** hey what actually did happen on ur date @theo

**theo:** which one ;)

**and Maggie:** !!!

**theo:** no but ur asking about valentines day right

**theo:** so i asked him out, he said yes

**theo:** we went to the movies

**theo:** we shared a tub of popcorn and a couple of times our hands brushed

**theo:** i think he liked the movie

**theo:** i wasnt a big fan but w/e aaron couldn't look away from the movie and it was cute so it was worth it

**theo:** i kissed him on the cheek and we said bye and parted ways

**eliza:** its funny bc to me he doesnt seem like the kind of person whod get easily flustered but then again ive met him he sat with u at lunch once and he said like maybe 10 sentences the entire 45 min

**eliza:** so then again i dont really know

**theo:** i dont think he really knows what to do with a strong independent woman tbh

**theo:** he gets flustered

**theo:** but i dont mind much he’s especially cute when he cant take his eyes off me

**theo:** besides when hes hopelessly in love with me and incapable of speech it gives me more time to talk

**theo:** hair flip

**and Maggie:** sdhjfghj

**Angelica:** im back

**theo:** ngl im very curious what just happened

**Angelica:** the crisis happened

**Angelica:** it struck again

**and Maggie:** okay but,, like,,,, what is it, man

**Angelica:** so y’all know how i run the gsa here

**eliza:** mhm

**Angelica:** well someone new joined during the last meeting

**Angelica:** a girl

**Angelica:** a very,, pretty girl

**and Maggie:** OMG

**eliza:** looks like its ur turn now for The Interrogation™

**Angelica:** shut up

**theo:** whats she look like

**theo:** i wanna be able to visualize her

**theo:** and also spot her in the hall if she walks by

**Angelica:** sigh

**and Maggie:** u didnt?? even make it an action??? u just said the word “sigh”?

**Angelica:** ignoring

**and Maggie:** offended gasp

**and Maggie:** see no ew this is weird and i dont like it

**Angelica:** shes got long red hair and green eyes and freckles

**eliza:** i can imagine it now youd look good together !!

**Angelica:** ha (as if we'd ever be "together")

**eliza:** what

**and Maggie:** i mean shes probably at least a little gay right??

**Angelica:** might be an ally

**theo:** look angelica im gonna be frank w u

**theo:** as much as u want supportive allies in our gsa (i do too)

**theo:** ive met most of the people who go to the meetings and theyre almost all gay

**theo:** it’s way more likely that she likes women than men

**and Maggie:** *just men

**theo:** ur right sorry im bisexual and that was kind of biphobic of me ahjsdfjg she could like both!!

**eliza:** (bisexual solidarity uwu)

**theo:** (yasss)

**and Maggie:** (bi-pan solidarity!!)

**eliza:** i dont suppose that by any chance youve _asked_ this girl whether or not she’s into girls

**eliza:** actually whats her name i dont want to keep referring to her by just vague female pronouns

**Angelica:** jane church

**Angelica:** wistful sigh

**and Maggie:** oh no she really is having a crisis, quick

**and Maggie:** where are u rn

**and Maggie:** the next gsa meeting is thursday and you dont have debate club today so there's no reason to stay and i wanna go home

**Angelica:** the library

**Angelica:** so is she

**Angelica:** oh shit she noticed me i ajfdgfdj

**eliza:** !

**and Maggie:** !!!

**theo:** what happened??

**Angelica:** “hey youre in my math class right do u think u could help me w this problem im having trouble w” i,,,

**Angelica:** she’s really close now

**Angelica:** our hands brushed a couple of times

**theo:** doesnt she see youre on ur phone?

**Angelica:** i gave her an example problem and shes using that to see if she can do the problem for class so im on here super quick oh gtg again bye

**and Maggie:** our big sister! has a crush!

**eliza:** i know ive been waiting for this day

**theo:** man being around u people

**theo:** i dont know if it makes me want siblings or if it makes me glad im an only child

**eliza:** well i love my sisters but sometimes i want to strangle them

**and Maggie:** eLIza!! *dramatic gasp* youve never been the violent type!!

**eliza:** yeah well i keep it all in my head

**theo:** thats,, mildly concerning

**Angelica:** okay so!!! neither of us knows anyone else from our math class so she,, asked for my number

**and Maggie:** did u say yes!

**Angelica:** i said yes

**Angelica:** im reeling

**and Maggie:** ok this is great can we go home now

**Angelica:** i dont know if ill be able to drive

**and Maggie:** really :/

**Angelica:** im actually lightheaded

**and Maggie:** omw

**eliza:** rt

* * *

**and Maggie:** oh _damn_ angie

**Angelica:** watch your fucking language maggie

**and Maggie:** hypocrite

**Angelica:** sorry what was that do u mind repeating that out loud and to my face

**and Maggie:** no~

**Angelica:** i am offended

**theo:** whats going on

**and Maggie:** eliza and i just saw jane for the first time

**and Maggie:** and i have to say angie’s got some fuckin taste

**and Maggie:** no shh angie im allowed freedom of speech

**Angelica:** i didn’t even say anything

**and Maggie:** you were about to

**Angelica:** okay i can’t argue with that

**theo:** i take it shes pretty then?

**eliza:** usually my taste in women isn’t the same as my sisters’ but in this case i absolutely agree

**eliza:** she’s gorgeous

**theo:** any of u have pictures or do i have to go find her ig myself

**Angelica:** go find her ig bc i havent asked if i can take a picture of her and if i dont ask its illegal

**and Maggie:** protip since shes still here

**and Maggie:** ask if u can take a pic of her for ur phone contact

**and Maggie:** make sure its a cute one

**Angelica:** omg yes you’re a genius sometimes maggie!

**and Maggie:** “sometimes”

**eliza:** wait what

**and Maggie:** oh she’s going for it shes going in!!!

**and Maggie:** angelica u can do this

**and Maggie:** we believe in u

**eliza:** oh i didnt tell her good luck :(

**and Maggie:** aaaaaaAAAA??

**and Maggie:** OH SHE DID IT congrats!!

**Angelica:** it took a couple of tries

**Angelica:** my hands kept shaking

**theo:** lol

**Angelica:** do u still want a picture

**theo:** sure

**Angelica:** _contact_photo_jane_church.jpg_

**theo:** ,,,, _huh_

**theo:** i am Very Much in a relationship right now and i have A Boyfriend

**theo:** ,,,,but i am still allowed to look

**theo:** and thank satan for that

**and Maggie:** “thank satan” asjddf

**theo:** well arent we all going to hell for liking girls ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**theo:** im just saying what we’re all thinking

**theo:** besides i sure aint thanking god anytime soon

**and Maggie:** ashjgd

**Angelica:** omg the contact photo looks so cute

**Angelica:** omG she just texted me

**eliza:** what did she say

**Angelica:** “hi”

**Angelica:** but like

**Angelica:** “hi (◕ᴗ◕✿)”

**Angelica:** i

**theo:** angelica are you dying

**Angelica:** maybe

**eliza:** aw my sister is blushing

**Angelica:** let’s just go now before she notices im blushing

**Angelica:** because i couldnt live that down

**and Maggie:** are u sure youre up to driving now

**Angelica:** im FINE

**and Maggie:** oh geez ok whatever

* * *

_private chat, **2 online** (jamm, mac-n-bees)_

**mac-n-bees:** im out of mac n cheese

**jamm:** no you’re not

**mac-n-bees:** _where_

**jamm:** check the cupboard, behind the soup cans

**mac-n-bees:** omg i love you

**mac-n-bees:** officially my savior

**mac-n-bees:** marry me

**jamm:** ,,,,

**mac-n-bees:** ,,,?

**jamm:** why am i blushing

**mac-n-bees:** waIT YOURE BLUSHING

**mac-n-bees:** NO THATS SO CUTE

**mac-n-bees:** i wish i could be there to see that,,,,

**jamm:** shut up no

**mac-n-bees:** why are you blushing

**jamm:** you said “marry me”

**jamm:** and I???

**mac-n-bees:** oh

**mac-n-bees:** did u think i was serious

**jamm:** you,, weren’t?

**mac-n-bees:** no no no no no wait

**mac-n-bees:** dont get me wrong

**mac-n-bees:** we’re still in high school

**jamm:** ,,,,so

**jamm:** is that an “eventually”

**mac-n-bees:** yes of fucking course it is??

**mac-n-bees:** i love u so much???

**mac-n-bees:** why wouldnt i marry you???

**jamm:** i dunno

**jamm:** maybe you’d find somebody else you liked more

**mac-n-bees:** ,,,ridiculous

**mac-n-bees:** my standards are so fucking high youre like the only one who meets them

**mac-n-bees:** actually no u exceed my standards i dont understand

**mac-n-bees:** do i not tell you this often enough dear??

**jamm:** guess not,,

**mac-n-bees:** well thats a tragedy and im going to fix that immediately

**mac-n-bees:** james!!!! love!!

**mac-n-bees:** youre so beautiful and i,, never know what to do about that or what to say,,, your eyes are always so deep and full of emotion and sometimes i cant make eye contact with u because i want to cry and kiss you simultaneously and that’s gross and wet and u dont want that

**mac-n-bees:** youve got these huge hands and whenever u hold mine, my hands get completely swallowed, and that’s Nice!

**mac-n-bees:** you give the best hugs!! youre like a bear!! u could hurt me if u wanted but u dont because u are cuddly and warm like a bear

**mac-n-bees:** your voice is so deep and rumbly and it’s so cool,,, and mine is like nasally and annoying,,,, but you could be a professional narrator and nobody would complain

**mac-n-bees:** and,, no matter how much of a dick i am, u never leave and u never hold it against me

**jamm:** I

**jamm:** dgjhdssd

**mac-n-bees:** (are u okay,, dear)

**jamm:** nO

**mac-n-bees:** oh

**jamm:** how can you just say things like that

**jamm:** you just??

**jamm:** that’s not allowed

**mac-n-bees:** do u want me to stop

**jamm:** no

**jamm:** I just

**jamm:** it’s still hard to believe someone would feel like that about me??

**mac-n-bees:** wHY

**jamm:** i don’t know

**mac-n-bees:** :/

**mac-n-bees:** >:/

**mac-n-bees:** do i need to come over there right now and love the hell out of you

**jamm:** no it’s fine

**mac-n-bees:** ,,,honey youre crying arent you

**jamm:** absolutely

**mac-n-bees:** ok thats it!! the mac n cheese can wait

**mac-n-bees:** im coming over there and theres nothing you can do to stop me

**jamm:** i love you

**mac-n-bees:** i love you too

**mac-n-bees:** see you in five

**mac-n-bees is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt expect the jeffmads to be this cute tbh,,,, haha i totally didnt give myself Feels what are u talking about
> 
> (also i texted all my friends about mac and bees because i couldnt stop laughing)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliza and Maria go on a date. It's eventful. Sidenote: they're lowkey horny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quite frankly i dont know what happened, one second i had no words in this chapter and the next time i checked i had four hundred. that's two to three times as long as my normal chapters, and it's ONLY dialogue. i dont know what happened. i did this in three straight hours with no break.
> 
> anyway enjoy? let me know if theres any typos or formatting mistakes, since i can only read this chapter so many times in a row hjdsdgf
> 
> um trigger warnings just in case,,, A Lot Happens in this chapter, and most of them are really mild but i realize this could trigger some people so here: brief mention of murder, poisoning, and stabbing in a joking way; making out; mentions of being turned on and hickeys; panic attacks; mentions of food

_private chat, **2 online** (eliza, ria)_

**eliza:** where are u

**ria:** what

**eliza:** the??

**eliza:** the date??

**ria** : OH SHIT

**ria** : liza im SO sorry

**ria** : i,, forgot

**ria** : give me ten minutes?

**eliza:** ,,,,okay

**eliza:** but only cause i love you

**eliza:** (aaa that’s so freeing to be able to say!!)

**ria** : i love u too honey!!

**eliza:** i

**eliza:** you

**eliza:** ahsdjfgfk

**eliza:** im gay

**ria** : SAME

**ria** : which is why im puttign on my entire face of makeup and getting dressed i have never been this fast

**ria** : to break the speed limit because my beautiful girlfriend is waiting for me because i forgot we had our first real date today

**eliza** : u think im beautiful,,?

**ria** : but babe? you are?

**eliza** : ok i love u and i love the pet names but i am literally going to have a heart attack please pace urself

**ria** : ok

**ria** : got it

**ria** : i dont want u to die

**ria** : not yet

**ria** : not until weve been married for like 20 years and were rich and the servant finds you dead in the morning and plot twist youve been,,, poisoned??

**ria** : but i, your dear loving wife and widow, is so distraught by this that the police and private detective i hired think it cant POSSIBLY be me

**ria** : and then i stab the private detective when he isnt looking, make it look like an accident, like he was examining one of the kitchen knives

**ria** : and i wear a black dress and a veil and a black hat with black flowers around the rim and i mope around all day

**ria** : because i have ur fortune now and nobody expects its me and nobody else wants to investigate lest they end up dead “like the last guy”

**ria** : BUT

**ria** : PLOT TWIST 2

**ria** : youre not actually dead

**ria** : youve come back for vengeance

**ria** : end of season 1

**ria** : please wait several months to know what happens next

**eliza** : im sorry

**eliza** : what

**eliza** : was that??

**eliza** : do u love me or not i honestly cant tell

**ria** : i do!! promise!!

**eliza** : ,,,,

**eliza** : ok i believe u

**eliza** : hurry up and get over here im getting odd looks for standing in the middle of the sidewalk and smiling at my phone

**ria** : getting in the car now!! see u soon!! xoxo

**eliza** : sending my love

* * *

**ria** : here!!

**eliza** : finally!

**ria** : where are u

**eliza** : i see u!! im waving!!!

**ria** : OH

**ria** : YOURE SO BEAUTIFUL I WAS NOT PREPARED

**ria** : I THINK IM DYING

**eliza** : no dont :(

**ria** : ur right youre beautiful but its not worth dying over

**eliza** : h

**eliza** : hey??

**ria** : im kidding id totally die for u bby

**eliza** : just come over here i want to kiss my gorgeous girlfriend in front of all these people

**ria** : _coming_

* * *

**eliza** : that old woman looked like she was about to vomit

**ria** : i know doesnt it feel great to make homophobes sick to their stomachs

**eliza** : hey

**eliza** : come to think of it

**eliza** : i

**eliza** : dont think ive seen

**eliza** : this dress before

**ria** : ive been saving it

**ria** : why

**ria** : do u

**ria** : like it

**eliza** : oh my god

**eliza** : i have never been so turned on in a public place ive never done this before what are you doing to me

**ria** : i

**ria** : have no clue

**eliza** : well whatever it is i think its a good thing

**eliza** : it feels good

**ria** : o h

**eliza** : lets go find a one stall restaurant bathroom

**ria** : yes right away

**ria** : ,,no complaints from me here

* * *

_group chat "Schuyler Sisters",_ **_3 online_ ** _(and Maggie, Angelica, eliza)_

**Angelica** : hey eliza where are u

**Angelica** : u said you didnt have hw today?

**Angelica** : hello??

**Angelica** : eliza?

**eliza** : sorry i was busy

**eliza** : no i dont have any hw

**Angelica** : then?? what were you busy doing??

**eliza** : uh

**and Maggie** : omg

**and Maggie** : eliza

**and Maggie** : 👀

**Angelica** : do you have an idea @maggie??

**and Maggie** : noo

**and Maggie** : eliza spill what are u doing and why are u busy

**and Maggie** : eliza?

**eliza** : sorry people started getting mad and we had to vacate the bathroom

**eliza** : theyre staring at us

**eliza** : probably because i have red lipstick on my neck

**and Maggie** : i

**Angelica** : in a public bathroom ??

**and Maggie** : well she has some balls ill give her that

**eliza** : lets just say maria came to our date wearing a dress ive never seen before and i couldnt restrain myself

**Angelica** : literally our sister is becoming a harlot

**eliza** : hey ,,,

**eliza** : thats not true

**eliza** : its just that maria

**eliza** : brings out something in me that i didnt know existed

**and Maggie** : but hey! our sis finally learned about being horny! 17 years of age, good job liza

**eliza** : omg i cant im turning off my phone this is a DATE and yall are not invited

**eliza is offline.**

**Angelica** : wow

* * *

_private chat, **2 online** (eliza, ria)_

**ria** : youre frowning at your phone

**eliza** : sister problems

**ria** : oh yeah tell me about it

**eliza** : wait u have a sister

**ria** : yeah

**ria** : her name is susan

**eliza** : i thought,, your mothers name was susan

**ria** : oh it is

**eliza** : oh

**eliza** : well my family is in the same boat with naming people philip i guess so i cant really judge

**eliza** : i have an older brother

**eliza** : hes an adult i havent seen him in years and i have no idea where in the world he is right now since he didnt stay in touch

**eliza** : but hes philip schuyler jr

**eliza** : named after my dad

**eliza** : :/

**eliza** : hey brb

**eliza** : bathroom

**ria** : liza what if the waiter comes while youre gone

**ria** : what do i tell them

**eliza** : idk “ _come back later my girlfriends takin a shit”_ but u have to do it in like a rlly strong irish or scottish accent

**ria** : omg

**eliza** : im kidding please dont actually say that

**ria** : ok

**eliza** : brb

* * *

**ria** : liza i feel like people are staring

**eliza** : what

**eliza** : why

**ria** : why are they staring

**ria** : or why does it feel like theyre staring

**eliza** : the first one

**eliza** : if u say theyre staring then they must be i trust u

**eliza** : why would they be staring?

**ria** : idk

**ria** : do i look like a slut or smth

**eliza** : nO oh my god

**eliza** : ria!! you look wonderful ok!!

**eliza** : beautiful,, not slutty, i promise

**eliza** : (oh if u call urself that again i will fight u 😘)

**eliza** : its,, probably because of me actually

**eliza:** remember??

**eliza** : my dad? v rich. politician.

**eliza** : i know ive mentioned it in passing

**eliza** : so people might know my face

**eliza** : so,, they saw me with you earlier

**eliza** : oh wait

**eliza** : shit

**ria** : are you okay??

**eliza** : im fine

**eliza** : i just didnt think you left a mark, is all

**eliza** : you were so gentle

**eliza** : i uh this is embarrassing

**ria** : wAit i gave u a hickey

**eliza** : no

**eliza** : correction

**eliza** : u gave me three

**ria** : _oh_

**eliza** : i told my dad that after our date id bring you home with me so he could meet you

**eliza** : this

**eliza** : haha this might not leave the best impression

**ria** : how bad is it

**ria** : is there any way you can hide it

**eliza** : i guess if i take my hair out of the braid

**eliza** : leave it loose

**ria** : aw u looked really pretty w the braid

**eliza** : well its either that or my dad kills u and then locks me in my room forever and i cant even go to ur funeral

**ria** : oh ok yeah goodbye braid see u again sometime

**eliza** : ,,is it too obvious

**ria** : no u look fine

**eliza** : oh people close by might also be staring because ur lipstick is slightly smeared

**eliza** : let me fix that

**ria** : sdjfhhgf

**ria** : the WAITER

**ria** : just fuckin comes by while youre fixing my lipstick

**ria** : and he stares

**ria** : he just stares

**ria** : until youre done

**ria** : and then calmly

**ria** : he just asks

**ria** : “are you ready to order”

**ria** : like he didnt just see that

**eliza** : it wasnt pda or anything i dont understand why it WOULD be a big deal

**ria** : i dunno!

**ria** : it just felt

**ria** : very gay

**eliza** : okay thats fair i suppose

**ria** : but like omg im a lesbian

**eliza** : ???

**eliza** : did u

**eliza** : just now figure that out

**ria** : no i mean i knew that already but sometimes it just hits me

**eliza** : understandable

**eliza** : oh look the food how fast

**ria** : ,,,,

**eliza** : ,,,,

**ria** : hey this is shitty

**eliza** : and we spent $200 on it

**ria** : we _what_

**eliza** : it was $200

**eliza** : what u ordered and what i ordered combined

**ria** : liza i

**ria** : i cant afford this

**eliza** : oh shoot are u okay

**ria** : i guess ive never told u how poor my family is

**ria** : we’re _poor_

**ria** : we dont even spend that much money on groceries in one week

**ria** : im like the exact opposite of you

**eliza** : i didnt know

**ria** : i didnt tell u :(

**eliza** : u know what lets get out of here

**eliza** : we can get some fast food or something

**eliza** : how does that sound

**ria** : ,,,better

**ria** : but youd be willing to waste that much money?

**eliza** : look maria this,,, is just bad food

**eliza** : i dont understand it tbh

**eliza** : but im not gonna sit here and make us eat bad, expensive food when we can get something better and cheap from mcdonalds

**ria** : could i have the nuggets

**eliza** : absolutely :)

**ria** : then yeah lets go

**eliza** : u know

**eliza** : we havent actually paid for the meal yet

**eliza** : so what if

**eliza** : we make a break for it

**ria** : wont they know what u look like??

**eliza** : when u can run fast enough it doesnt matter what u look like

**ria** : u know what fair enough lets go

**eliza** : ill count us off get ready but dont look suspicious

**eliza** : 3

**eliza** : 2

**eliza** : 1 GOGOGO

**ria** : aaaaa

**eliza** : sTOP TEXTING RUN

**ria** : OKAY

**ria** : WHOOOO

**eliza** : that was way more fun than it should have been

**ria** : come here and kiss me you insane woman

**eliza** : gladly ;)

**ria** : why is that so much better when we’re both slightly sweaty

**eliza** : why do u think ;)

**ria** : o oh

**eliza** : no but i think its the leftover adrenaline from escaping the law

**ria** : wait u dont have a car how did u get here

**eliza** : borrowed angelicas car

**ria** : i never thought you would be so devious i mean youre so pretty

**eliza** : cant i be both

**ria** : oh absolutely u can be whatever u want u absolute goddess of a woman

**eliza** : why cant straight people be this happy

**eliza** : theres so many middle aged cishet dudes who hate their wives its like?? marry someone u love?? not that hard??

**ria** : oh i know somehow wlw have a better grasp of what theyre looking for in a woman but also a better grasp of how to treat them right

**ria** : why are u looking at me like that im going to cry

**eliza** : think we’ll get married some day

**ria** : i

**ria** : i hope so, love

**eliza** : i hope so too

**eliza** : youd look lovely in white

**eliza** : and before you say anything my father would pay for it before u could even ask

**eliza** : that is if u make a good impression on him tonight

**eliza** : he doesnt have to know we ran from the law if we stop at a mcdonalds and tidy up in the bathroom before we get our food

**ria** : hey we’re just wrecking all the bathrooms today huh

**eliza** : excuse me what do u mean we didnt wreck any bathrooms

**ria** : oh rlly

**ria** : did u forget when u pushed me back against the paper towel dispenser earlier and it made a definite breaking sound

**eliza** : yes i did forget

**eliza** : stop reminding me of that we’re taking the next bus to mcdonalds then i’m going home and youre going to meet my dad

**ria** : speak of the devil

**eliza** : my dad?? where??

**ria** : no

**ria** : the bus

**eliza** : oh i feel dumb

**ria** : dont, youre incredibly smart, have u seen ur own grades

**eliza** : _stop_ im blushing

**ria** : oh i could do much worse to u ;)

**eliza** : ok maybe we pause that until we’re alone i just made a face and u just made a face and i think the lady across the aisle is death glaring at us because we’re being homosexual and horny in public

**ria** : the two hos

**eliza** : that could also apply to us shfgjsd

**ria** : i

**eliza** : im joking!!

**ria** : ok good

* * *

**eliza** : look theres a duck

**ria** : where i cant see anything all i can see is your lovely head i am in the aisle seat

**eliza** : its right there

**ria** : where???

**eliza** : aw its gone

**ria** : aw i wanted to see the duck

**eliza** : theres a duck pond by my house?

**eliza** : second date?

**ria** : immediate yes lets go tomorrow

**eliza** : deal

**eliza** : hold my hand so the lady across the aisle will start praying under her breath again

**eliza** : i _think_ she was praying, either that or she was setting up demon warding spells to make us keep our distance

**ria** : but we’re not demons we’re just gay

**eliza** : yes but _she_ doesnt know that

**ria** : _oh_

**eliza** : now hold my hand

**ria** : yes ma’am

**eliza** : ooh i kind of like the feeling of taking charge,,

**ria** : breaking news! this just in, eliza schuyler realizes for the first time, after making out in a public restroom also for the first time, that shes a top

**eliza** : i afhjdgf

**eliza** : as much as i’d like to vehemently deny that statement im not sure i can

**eliza** : u know me too well

**ria** : i think that cheek kiss was the last straw for the lady see shes changing seats now that we’re stopped hdjgf i love threatening heterosexuals’ fragile senses of normality

**eliza** : well shes not gonna have to deal with us for much longer anyway

**eliza** : we get off at the next stop

**eliza** : ive checked the maps

**eliza** : also holy crap my sisters are blowing up my phone

**eliza** : i had it turned off while we were eating

**ria** : what are they saying

**eliza** : mostly yelling at me for making out w u in a public restroom and letting u kiss my neck also in a public restroom

**eliza** : u know i didnt even tell them i was going on a date today

**ria** : really

**ria** : im not on good terms with my sister but if i was id totally tell her about this kind of thing

**eliza** : theyre overbearing

**eliza** : theyre overexcitable

**eliza** : they ask too many questions

**eliza** : and theyre nosy

**eliza** : no thanks

**ria** : when u put it that way, makes sense

**eliza** : heres our stop lets goooo

**eliza** : food time im so hungry i skipped lunch

**ria** : what why

**ria** : u have to take care of yourself sweetie

**eliza** : first of all <3

**eliza** : second of all i wasnt hungry

**eliza** : ok thats a lie i was hungry but i was also nervous

**ria** : aw im sorry

**eliza** : its ok lets go make ourselves presentable

* * *

**ria** : do i look like i ran a mile

**eliza** : no u look like a model

**eliza** : why are we texting we’re alone in this bathroom the stalls are all empty

**ria** : habit

**eliza** : ok

**ria** : besides the more we text the more we have written documented copies of our important moments to look back upon and get nostalgic over

**eliza** : thats actually a really good point

**eliza** : huh

**eliza** : ok so texting it is

**ria** : wow youre actually really talented liza its fascinating to watch u fluff ur hair w one hand and text 99% of the time without looking but at the same time

**ria** : u really are like some higher form of being

**ria** : talented, smart, gorgeous, kind, rich, generally out of my league

**eliza** : awww oh no maria,, is that what u thought? before my sister meddled and told u i “look at u special” or smth like that?

**ria** : yes

**ria** : what else would i have thought

**ria** : im the scum of the earth compared to u

**eliza** : oh honey no

**eliza** : let me promise you this

**eliza** : your financial status will never matter to me

**eliza** : and yes, maybe thats because i have the luxury to not have to think about money

**eliza** : but i will never think about you worse or look down on you because of money

**eliza** : i will never let that stop me from spending money on you

**eliza** : and i will never let that come between us

**eliza** : okay?

**ria** : dammit im going to cry this is going to fuck up my makeupppp

**eliza** : darling youre gorgeous with or without makeup but youre also allowed to cry

**eliza** : just,, do it fast,, im hungry

**ria** : hhhhHHHHhhhHHHhhh

**ria** : ok i think we’re good

**ria** : no more sappy stuff until after ive met your dad

**ria** : i cant afford to redo my makeup now

**eliza** : deal

**eliza** : first tho, i love you!!

**ria** : i love you too

**eliza** : food time

* * *

**eliza** : ahh i love mcdonalds fast and effective as always

**eliza** : here are ur nuggies

**ria** : thank u

**ria** : also that was cute

**eliza** : o//w//o

**ria** : ok only middle schoolers are allowed to do that unironically but i suppose i can make an acception for u

**eliza** : yay!!

**ria** : the stark contrast between that text and the visceral sight of u devouring that burger is disturbing to say the least

**eliza** : sorry love

**ria** : its ok

**ria** : its kind of powerful actually like a predatory animal

**ria** : ,,THATS NOT A SEX METAPHOR

**eliza** : i was gonna say,, thats some weird kink but sure if u ask i’ll devour ur ass like im devouring this burger ahjsgff

**ria** : ELIZA that is scandalous please stop we are in a public place and the playplace w all the kids is literally in the next room

**eliza** : sorry

**ria** : ,,,

**eliza** : are u gonna eat ur nuggies?

**ria** : im not so hungry anymore

**eliza** : u should still eat something!! here, have some of my fries, we can share

**ria** : ,,

**eliza** : i think i know what this is about

**eliza** : youre nervous to meet my dad?

**ria** : im nervous to meet your dad

**ria** : on the bus i may have,, looked him up

**ria** : and i dont think im worthy to date you but what if he also sees that

**eliza** : maria. stop. please breathe. tell me 5 things u can see.

**ria** : uh

**ria** : table. you. nuggies. uh the fuckin,, window. ,,fries

**eliza** : good. four things you can feel.

**ria** : dress. table. nuggies. ur hand holding mine

**eliza** : three things you can hear.

**ria** : children screaming in the distance but theyre not distant and actually theyre in the other room. somebody getting ice for their drink. that karen ordering at the counter.

**eliza** : two things you can smell, we’re almost done.

**ria** : nuggies. meat.

**eliza** : and one thing you can taste

**ria** : nuggies, again

**eliza** : are u feeling better dear

**ria** : well im not on the verge of tears anymore

**ria** : thanks

**eliza** : of course, youre my girlfriend and u deserve the world

**ria** : shh thats too sappy when im emotional

**eliza** : sorry love

**ria** : lets move to a booth i want to sit next to u so u can sidehug me and put ur head on my shoulder

**eliza** : absolutely we can

**ria** : i love you

**eliza** : i love you too

* * *

**eliza** : ahh that was uneventful

**ria** : ,,,youre not kidding

**ria** : ive been in a state of off-and-on “mild distress” for at least an hour and a half now

**ria** : wait this is your house

**ria** : a mansion

**ria** : fuck

**ria** : yeah im not ready

**eliza** : deep breaths, love, you are so ready, i promise. you can handle a lot more than you think

**ria** : yeah

**ria** : ok lets go

* * *

**ria** : fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

**ria** : shit

**ria** : this is it we’re over im sorry

**eliza** : maria?

**eliza** : where did u go

**ria** : i dont know i just ran

**eliza** : could u tell me where u are i want to come help u

**ria** : no

**ria** : i need to be alone

**ria** : i fucked everything up and he’s going to hate me

**eliza** : babe i dont think you asking my father for my hand in marriage two weeks into our relationship is that bad

**ria** : it wasnt even on purpose im such an idiot

**eliza** : wait

**eliza:** it wasnt

**ria** : ,,no

**eliza** : well ok. let me say smth.

**eliza** : i know this seems incredibly important right now, a big obstacle u cant seem to get around

**eliza** : but i promise its not!

**eliza** : even if he says no, i would still marry you if you asked. with or without his permission. getting his blessing is just the best-case scenario, but life can’t always be perfect all the time.

**ria** : you would?

**eliza** : hell yes

**eliza** : i love you so much. i know we’ve only been dating for two weeks and we’ve only known each other since the beginning of the school year, but if you asked me right now, i would elope with you, i’m not even kidding.

**ria** : ,, could we

**eliza** : i’d prefer to not do that, love. you can’t run away from this problem, he has to at least say no first, alright?

**ria** : fine

**eliza** : there u are

**ria** : omg u cant just

**ria** : u took my face in ur handS?? and im soft

**eliza** : u certainly are

**ria:** i didnt mean my sKIn eliza i meant my heart

**eliza** : let’s go talk to my father, alright? i think it was going well before you panicked.

**ria** : okay. but only because you’re here.

* * *

_group chat "Work!",_ **_4 online_ ** _(and Maggie, Angelica, eliza, theo)_

**eliza** : OMG IM GETTING MARRIED

**and Maggie** : wHAT

**theo** : when??

**eliza** : as soon as summer starts

**eliza** : so this year

**eliza added ria to the group chat "Work!".**

**ria** : hello??

**eliza** : hello my love

**ria** : oh but holy shit that really happened?? i wasn’t dreaming??

**eliza** : we’re not dreaming

**eliza** : unless we even dream together now

**Angelica** : ok no thats too far dial it back romana and juliet

**eliza** : :(

**ria** : i dont know who u are but she is _pouting_ how dare u

**theo** : but are you two really going to get married? havent you only been dating like a week, less than me and Aaron?

**and Maggie** : _oooo aaron_

**theo** : shut up maggie _my_ relationship is not our current focus right now we’re talking about your sister

**and Maggie** : aw

**eliza** : listen i love her. and we went on our first date tonight, made out in a public bathroom where she gave me three hickeys, literally ran out of a restaurant without paying, made a homophobe on the bus across the aisle start praying for our souls, and maria accidentally asked my father, the first time they met, for my hand in marriage. it’s certainly been a day.

**theo** : you did _what_ in a public bathroom

**eliza** : not my fault she wore that dress

**ria** : guess i’ll have to save it for special occasions

**eliza** : aw

**ria** : but you’ll be even more,,,, _excited_ to see it

**Angelica** : right in front of my salad

**eliza** : that’s true

**and Maggie** : @angelica ignoredddd

**eliza** : i love u wifey <3

**ria** : hold on

**ria** : i love u too but i cant be wifey for two more months honey

**eliza** : i love u fiancee <3

**ria** : i love u too fiancee <3

**and Maggie** : while i cant believe this is real, it’s still incredibly cute

**and Maggie** : and who knows, hopefully they’ll stay together forever and have a funny story to tell their kids about the day they got engaged

**ria** : hopefully we’re not telling our kids that story until they’re in their teens and they don’t need to hear about their mothers making out in a public restroom EVER

**eliza** : i

**ria** : liza are u ok

**eliza** : u say that like we’re definitely going to have kids? like we’ve talked about it?

**ria** : well

**ria** : i

**ria** : uh

**ria** : brb

**ria** : ok we back

**Angelica** : and did you make a decision

**eliza** : we’re having two daughters and a son

**eliza** : at least one is going to be biologically maria’s and at least one is going to be biologically mine

**eliza** : we’ll figure it out in a few years when we’re ready

**ria** : despite my multiple panic attacks today its been a good day

**eliza** : wait multiple

**eliza** : when was the other one

**ria** : ,,,people were staring at the restaurant

**eliza** : oh sweetie im sorry

**eliza** : i was takin a sh*t and i couldnt come help u

**ria** : hsjdfgj

**Angelica** : im sorry, what, eliza?

**and Maggie** : ??

**eliza** : inside joke

**eliza** : im sleepy

**ria** : im in your bed. come cuddle, love

**eliza** : ok

**eliza** : goodnight

**ria** : goodnight

**eliza is offline.**

**ria is offline.**

* * *

_private chat, **2 online** (Alex, eliza)_

**eliza** : Alex im getting married in june

**Alex** : you’re _what_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally a vent fic from that time i got so stressed over not being able to finish homework i couldn't stop crying. no, not that time. not that one either. it... happens a lot. but i'm glad i was able to turn something so upsetting into something cute and funny like this turned out to be

_private chat, **1 online** (laf), 1 offline (herc) _

**laf:** everything sucks

**laf:** homework sucks

**laf:** school sucks

**laf:** i,,, suck??

**herc is online.**

**herc:** nO

**herc:** wait what is this about

**laf:** hhh

**laf:** _stress_

**herc:** oh

**herc:** no u dont suck!!

**herc:** (i want to help but i dont know what u want me to say?)

**laf:** i cant finish any of my assignments

**laf:** help

**laf:** my teachers are actual demons

**laf:** this is torture

**laf:** am i in hell

**herc:** well if youre in hell at least im here too

**herc:** we can suffer together

**laf:** oh honey no i dont want that for you

**laf:** save yourself while theres still time

**laf:** …

**laf:** ??

**laf:** hercules???

**herc:** ajdhgghjghjdf

**herc:** sorry

**herc:** what i meant to say was “noo im not leaving you here alone” but then u called me honey and i started making gurgling choking noises

**herc:** ,,,,,haha

**laf:** ,, i may be extremely upset but i love you

**herc:** for what it’s worth, i love you too

**laf:** !!

**herc:** i always will

**laf:** !!!!!

**herc:** are u okay over there

**laf:** no

**herc:** okay im gonna send in alexander

**laf:** wait

**laf:** what

**laf:** no please dont!!

**laf:** he’s busy and stressed enough as it ishsjdeiauigsjf

**herc:** wow that was fast

**laf:** he latched on

**laf:** currently on the floor

**laf:** i got ,,,, tackle,d,,, suddenly

* * *

group chat "kiss the homies goodnight", **4** **online** (Alex, herc, laf, Turtle Boy)

**laf:** alex let go

**Alex:** no

**Alex:** not in a million years

**Alex:** youre stuck gil

**laf:** ,,,,,, ,,,

**Alex:** what is that supposed to mean

**laf:** it represents mIxed feeLIngs

**Alex:** oh ok makes sense

**Turtle Boy:** wait whats going on

**herc:** laf is stressed and hates himself so i sent in the big guns

**herc:** aka alex

**herc:** laf is now trapped on the floor bc alex tackle-hugged him

**Alex:** hehe

**Turtle Boy:** man i miss a lot huh

**Turtle Boy:** wonder what its like to live w you two

**Alex:** mostly uneventful ngl

**Turtle Boy:** what is this then

**Alex:** the part thats not “mostly”

**Turtle Boy:** i see

**laf:** alex you ar eheavy

**herc:** hOw hes like 5’4

**Alex:** youre spreading falsehoods

**Alex:** for ur information i am 5’6

**Alex:** a full two inches taller than ur slander would have people believe

**herc:** sorry isnt that like exactly the same

**Alex:** no , ,,,

**herc:** youre like fuckin short m8

**Turtle Boy:** aww littol alex hes so tiny and cute

**laf:** like a turtle

**Turtle Boy:** !! yeah!!

**Turtle Boy:** @alex are u the real turtle boy here

**Alex:** ,,,,,,

**Alex:** ok i will make an exception one (1) person is now allowed to call me small/smol/littol

**Alex:** and thats john

**Turtle Boy:** uwu!!

~~**Alex:** youre adorable~~

**Alex deleted a message.**

**Turtle Boy:** w

**herc:** uh

**Turtle Boy:** w hat

**laf:** hehe “w” hat

**laf:** get it

**laf:** like

**laf:** a hat

**laf:** shaped like a w

**herc:** yes very nice love

**laf:** <3

**herc:** <3

**Turtle Boy:** ok but did alex just delete a message or??

**Turtle Boy:** am i just rlly confused

**herc:** it does say he did

**Alex:** nope

**Alex:** you saw nothing

**Alex:** lies and slander

**herc:** u say that a lot huh

**Alex:** only cause u tell so many lies about me and slander me so much

**laf:** u are so dramatic

**Alex:** says you

**laf:** *dramatic gasp*

**laf:** well i suppose that proves ur point

**laf:** but still

**laf:** absolutely rude

**laf:** aren't you supposed to be comforting me or smth

**laf:** smh

**Alex:** oh shit yea

**Alex:** forgot

**laf:** I

**laf:** you are literally on top of me??

**laf:** did you forget that too??

**Alex:** no,,,

**Alex:** hey you know what youre making valid points so just shut up

**laf:** ,,,,,

**laf:** im unadopting you

**Alex:** wAit no,,

**Alex:** :(

**Alex:** you cant _do_ that

**Alex:** besides i was adopted first :(((

**Alex:** im telling martha

**laf:** aw :(

* * *

_private chat, **2 online** (Alex, washingmom)_

**Alex:** gils being mean to me :(((

**washingmom:** what did he do

**Alex:** he said hes unadopting me,,,,

**Alex:** am i not his brother anymore??

**Alex:** i dont want to have to leave :((

**washingmom:** is that why you were laying on top of gil on the floor and i watched you dramatically roll off of him just now

**washingmom:** the door is open

**Alex:** yes

**Alex:** :'(

**washingmom:** you both do this at least once a week

**washingmom:** you'll get over it

**Alex:** but

**Alex:** but

**Alex:** but

**Alex:** what if,,,

**Alex:** he said something super mean

**Alex:** and it hurt my feelings

**washingmom:** ……

**washingmom:** did he

**Alex:** ,,,no

**washingmom:** i think you'll be fine

**washingmom:** you two are very close, and i believe in the strength of your bond

**Alex:** i

**Alex:** ,,,,

**washingmom:** you're getting emotional, aren't you

**Alex:** ,,,yes 🥺

**washingmom:** come here, it's mom hug time

* * *

_group chat "kiss the homies goodnight", **4 online** (Alex, herc, laf, Turtle Boy)_

**laf:** ok this is cute

**laf:** i will admit that

**Turtle Boy:** what is??

**laf:** so martha came to stand in the door and alex was just texting her

**laf:** and then i dont know what she said but hes crying i think and theyre hugging

**herc:** aww

**Turtle Boy:** :')

**Alex:** hey i love my mom

**Alex:** i know i like never call her mom when im talking to other people

**Alex:** but thats cause its like a special thing,, that i call her one-on-one

**Alex:** ,,,but i love her

* * *

_private chat,_ **_**2 online** _ ** _(Alex, washingmom)_

**Alex:** mOm

**Alex:** oh shit wait i was ready to go and then realized i actually wasnt ready to say that oops

**washingmom:** (ignoring the swearing,,)

**Alex:** (sorry mom!!)

**Alex:** (i swear because i care)

**washingmom:** I'm pretty sure that's not how it works

**Alex:** yeah probably not but it rhymes

**washingmom:** makes sense

**Alex:** haha why is this hard to say its not like i havent said it before

**Alex:** ,,,

**Alex:** ok

**Alex:** hh

**Alex:** i

**Alex:** love,,

**Alex:** you? mom?

**washingmom:** i love you too alex

**washingmom:** <3

**Alex:** i am not emotionally stable enough for this sorry bye we’ll talk later i promise

**Alex is offline.**

* * *

_group chat "kiss the homies goodnight", **4 online** (Alex, herc, laf, Turtle Boy)_

**Alex:** aNYWAY GIL she said u cant unadopt me and also would u accept the fact that youre a great person already n stop beating urself up over stuff thats not gonna matter in like 5 yrs

**laf:** ,,,

**laf:** maybe

**Alex:** do it

**laf:** ok

**laf:** would u believe me,, if i said i did it

**Alex:** not when u ask like that

**laf:** sjfhd

**laf:** i cant do that right away alex

**Alex:** ,, fine

**laf:** it’ll take a bit for me to feel better about myself

**Alex:** i know how that feels

**Alex:** ,,,okay

**Alex:** but you better promise youre making an effort

**laf:** i am !!

**laf:** promise

**herc:** (@john this is so sweet)

**Turtle Boy:** (@herc i knoww?)

**Alex:** i

**Alex:** we can

**Alex:** see you

**Alex:** you know that

**Alex:** right??

**herc:** yea

**Alex:** then?? why?

**herc:** because john is here

**Alex:** go to ?? private chat?

**herc:** no i dont want to

**Alex:** ok

**Alex:** well

**Alex:** whatever

**Turtle Boy:** alex!!

**Turtle Boy:** it was! sweet!!

**Alex:** why is it that whenever u say smth its always 5x more acceptable than when herc says it

**Turtle Boy:** ,,

**Turtle Boy:** cause im

**Turtle Boy:** cute??

**Alex:** ,,,

**Alex:** ok yeah tru

**Turtle Boy:** hehe

**Alex:** omg

**Turtle Boy:** ?

**Alex:** nothing

**Alex:** oh i gtg i never finished my hw

**Alex:** and i have to finish it in order to help gil

**Alex:** bye guys!

**laf:** bye alex see you in like an hour

**herc:** see ya

**Turtle Boy:** byeee

**Alex is offline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i wrote this before chapter 3, so in my google doc this is chapter 3 and "chapter 3" is chapter 4, but i couldn't post this before chapter 18 of TOTH because it sorta references the Mullette, which wouldn't have happened yet, so you got the chapter 3 youre familiar with, and now youre getting this one.
> 
> dont we all love and deserve john and herc fanboying over their boyfrie- haha wait what,,, i meAn boyfriend-and-best-friend-respectively's close relationship as brothers, while their boyfriend-and-best-friend-respectively are still in the chat and can read their every word


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this happens during ch 29-31 of TOTH

_private chat, **2 online** (Alex, laf)_

**laf** : alex i miss you

**Alex** : its been like half an hour since i left

**Alex** : im busy,,, sorry

**laf** : oh :(

**Alex** : ,,,,

**Alex** : stop that

**laf** : stop what

**Alex** : that, youre pouting

**laf** : ,,

**laf** : you cant see me

**Alex** : then why did you pause

**laf** : wdym i didnt

**Alex** : _lies_

**laf** : :P

**Alex** : i gtg

**Alex is offline.**

**laf** : oh

**laf** : bye, then.

* * *

_private chat, **2 online** (herc, laf)_

**herc** : whats wrong

**laf** : i havent said anything yet??

**herc** : shhh we have a mental connection

**laf** : im ok with that

**herc** : no seriously is something wrong

**laf** : alex is staying over at johns for two weeks

**laf** : he left today

**laf** : i just

**laf** : feel pathetic

**herc** : why?

**laf** : i miss him already

**herc** : no shame in that, youre close

**laf** : but he gets to have this and he was really excited when he told me last week

**laf** : i feel bad because im not as excited for him as i should be

**herc** : listen

**herc** : “should”s are complete bullshit and theyre different for everyone

**herc** : youre holding yourself to a standard you can’t meet

**herc** : so lower your standards

**herc** : you deserve to meet them

**laf** : ,,,,huh

**herc** : (does that help)

**laf** : (oui merci)

**herc** : thats good

**laf** : sometimes you give good advice

**herc** : “sometimes” lmao

**laf** : well yeah! sometimes!

**herc** : i get that

**herc** : and so the rest of the time i give shit advice?

**herc** : well judging by your silence you cant deny that

**laf** : im sorry?

**herc** : no reason to be

**herc** : i can come over if youd like?

**laf** : no it’s okay

**herc** : you sure?

**laf** : i am

**laf** : thank you

**laf** : i’ll text you if i need you

**herc** : okay

**laf is offline.**

* * *

**Alex added laf and herc to the group chat “emergency.”**

**Alex** : fuck

**herc** : what

**laf** : what on earth

**Alex** : ok so

**Alex** : so

**Alex** : hfsdjdf

**herc** : oh no hes devolved into keysmashing

**laf** : slow down alex whats wrong

**Alex** : nothings

**Alex** : wrong

**Alex** : exactly??

  
  


**herc** : then what the FUCK did you text me for im leaving /j

**Alex** : its

**Alex** : about john

**laf** : oh mon dieu

**herc** : wait

**herc** : wait

**laf** : we’re waiting

**herc** : you mean to tell me

**herc** : angelica owes me seven dollars ive got to text her

**Alex** : hey now _you_ wait a minute!

**herc** : oop

**Alex** : you bet on me?

**herc** : i bet on you and john mkay

**herc** : now does she owe me seven dollars or not

**Alex** : ,,what was the bet

**herc** : have you two _kissed_

**Alex** : remember how we went on a date back in march

**herc** : yes?

**Alex** : ,,,,we mightve kissed in marthas car

**herc** : I KNEW IT

**herc** : YES

**laf** : calm down love

**herc** : right sorry

**laf** : whats the emergency this time

**Alex** : we’re watching a movie w a bunch of children

**Alex** : (it’s his sibs and their friends, we didn’t just kidnap some children off the street but that doesnt matter much)

**herc** : it

**herc** : it doesnt?

**Alex** : and hes

**Alex** : leaning on me

**Alex** : ???

**laf** : and youre on your phone?

**Alex** : yes hes paying attention to the movie shush

**herc** : why arent you

**Alex** : because im bisexual dont you _dare_ @ me

**herc** : jesus ok

**Alex** : what do i dooo

**laf** : relax

**Alex** : right yes good idea

**herc** : put away your phone

**Alex** : :/

**Alex** : anything else

**herc** : hes leaning on you just let yourself be bisexual ok

**Alex** : ok

**laf** : stop hyperventilating

**Alex** : im not!

**Alex** : ,,,,,,,noticeably

**laf** : Alexander

**Alex** : ok yes ill do that

**Alex** : oh the movies almost over bye guys talk later

**Alex is offline.**

**herc** : finally

* * *

**Turtle Boy added herc and laf to the group chat “fuck help me.”**

**herc** : @laf 😏

**laf** : ??

**laf** : OH

**laf** : 😏

**Turtle Boy** : guys _what_

**laf** : nothing~

**Turtle Boy** : o,,,k,

**Turtle Boy** : anyway shut up

**herc** : rude, why

**Turtle Boy** : alex

**herc** : yes yes i got that what about him

**Turtle Boy** : what

**herc** : what?

**Turtle Boy** : um

**Turtle Boy** : anyway

**Turtle Boy** : he told me he loved me

**laf** : omg

**herc** : look what youve done he’s squealing

**Turtle Boy** : are you two together rn

**laf** : if alex is allowed to stay with you herc gets to stay with us because im lonely

**Turtle Boy** : fair

**herc** : where are the details, man?

**Turtle Boy** : oh yeah uh so

**Turtle Boy** : he said it by accident

**Turtle Boy** : and then he had to give me this whole speech to rectify that

**Turtle Boy** : and it was

**Turtle Boy** : well

**Turtle Boy** : he said im the stars and the sun and the moon and hes just dirt

**Turtle Boy** : and that he doesnt deserve someone like me,,

**Turtle Boy** : ive never felt very special except around him

**Turtle Boy** : i love him so much

**laf** : awwwwww

**herc** : thats cute and this is also cute

**Turtle Boy** : whats he doing

**herc** : hes just making this face and his eyes are big and hes grinning and i want to kiss him

**Turtle Boy** : guys?

**Turtle Boy** : g

**Turtle Boy** : guys???

**herc** : yeah sorry we’re back

**Turtle Boy** : i think i wont ask

**herc** : good idea ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Turtle Boy** : i was right gross you two sure make out a lot

**Turtle Boy** : oh shit i gtg bye

* * *

_group chat “kiss the homies goodnight,” **4 online** (Alex, herc, laf, Turtle Boy)_

**Alex** : what are you talking about

**Turtle Boy** : nothing!

**herc** : clearly this chat hasnt had anything new since last time

**Alex** : i

**Alex** : did you create a separate chat

**Alex** : without me??

**Turtle Boy** : its not like that

**Alex** : :(

**Turtle Boy** : no, alex,,,

**Turtle Boy** : um

**Turtle Boy** : *fuck_help_me_chat_screenshot01*

**Alex** : oh

**Turtle Boy** : yeah

**Alex** : i love you too??

**Turtle Boy** : i know

**laf** : hey?

**laf** : ??

**herc** : did you go somewhere

**Alex** : no sorry

**herc** : did you

**herc** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Turtle Boy** : _stop_

**herc** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Turtle Boy** : we weren’t doing anything

**herc** : sure

**Turtle Boy** : what did i tell you

**herc** : sorry

**Turtle Boy** : we were just kind of

**Turtle Boy** : well its embarrassing

**Alex** : we were gazing into each other’s eyes

**herc** : really??

**Alex** : yes

**laf** : pure

**Alex** : anyway guys youre going on mute i wanna be alone w john without yall sending constant text notifications

**laf** : _y’all?_

**herc** : why ;-;

**Alex is offline.**

**Turtle Boy is offline.**

* * *

**Mars started a private chat with laf.**

**laf** : hi?

**Mars** : hi is this alexs brother im talking to

**laf** : oui

**laf** : how did you get my number

**Mars** : stole his phone and put it in my contacts fast before he noticed

**laf** : oh

**Mars** : i need you to know he talks about you constantly

**laf** : he does?

**Mars** : ,,well no not exactly

**laf** : oh :(

**Mars** : but 1 out of 3 convos you have with the man will mention his brother at some point

**laf** : ,,oh?

**Mars** : yeah

**laf** : im going to hug him when he gets back

**Mars** : thats sweet

**laf** : hey wait who are you

**Mars** : [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FfJCuBhDBA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4EzE1gGv6g)

**Mars** : but no im johns sister

**Mars** : does he talk about me

**laf** : not really

**Mars** : ah ok it was worth a try

**laf** : alex has mentioned you once or twice

**Mars** : good to know ill keep that in mind

**Mars** : ,,,,, _hey_

**laf** : _yes_

**laf** : im scared yet intrigued

**Mars** : oHOHOHO YOU SHOULD BE

**Mars** : i may have

**Mars** : photographic evidence of alex and john being gross and coupley despite the fact they vehemently deny being a couple

**Mars** : want some

**laf** : i think we’re going to get along very well, you and i

**laf** : (yes please i need blackmail)

**Mars** : *IMG_20200715_1723*

**Mars** : *IMG_20200715_1724*

**Mars** : *IMG_20200716_1727*

**Mars** : *IMG_20200717_1730*

**Mars** : hold on to those for me

**Mars** : i cant exactly keep them on my phone

**laf** : okay

**laf** : im not going to ask

**Mars** : thank you

**laf** : de rien

**Mars** : alex is lucky to have you as a brother

**laf** : thank you

**Mars** : :)

**Mars** : oop gtg before john _frowns_ at me for something else and it makes me feel unnecessarily guilty

**Mars is offline.**

* * *

**herc:** ANGELICA YOU OWE ME SEVEN DOLLARS FORK IT OVER


End file.
